Will I hurt my employees by giving them feedback?
Giving feedback to employees is one of the most difficult parts of leadership. Yet, despite its importance, many leaders find themselves hesitating when it comes to delivering feedback. The fear of hurting an employee or damaging the relationship often is a driving factor.
Let’s consider a common scenario: you have an employee who isn’t meeting expectations. They consistently stray from established processes, give resistance to feedback, and struggle with showing up on time. Addressing these issues requires honesty and tact, but more often than not, we find ourselves holding back.
Why do we hold back?
There are several reasons, some of which are rooted in selfishness. We may avoid uncomfortable conversations simply because we want to maintain our own comfort. But beyond that, there’s a genuine concern about hurting the employee. We want them to like us, to trust us, and to see us as a friend.
Feedback can be painful. It forces us to look at our weaknesses, hurts our pride, and triggers our natural defenses. Yet, despite the discomfort, withholding feedback does more harm than good. It breaks down trust and allows problems to grow, ultimately holing back both individual and team progress.
How do we navigate the balance between honesty and compassion?
First and foremost, approach feedback from a place of genuine care and concern. Your intention should be to help the employee grow and succeed, not to criticize or belittle them. When feedback comes from a place of empathy, it’s more likely to be received positively.
Secondly, be clear and direct in your communication. Avoid beating around the bush or sugar-coating the issue. Clearly explain the problem and offer suggestions for improvement. Remember, clarity is kind.
Allow the discomfort that comes with giving feedback. Yes, it might feel awkward. Allow space for the employee to process the feedback and encourage them to ask questions or seek clarification.
Consistency is key. Make feedback a regular part of your interactions with employees. Check in with them periodically to see how they’re progressing and offer support where needed.
What’s going through their mind as I give feedback?
We don’t know how employees will respond, that’s what can make giving feedback so challenging. Here are a couple different perspectives.
If you give feedback right away and from a place of love, here are some thoughts they might have:
“Oh crap, I’ve really messed up.”
“I’m not good enough, I wish I was better.”
“Why are you picking on me?”
“This isn’t that big of a deal.”
“You’re not perfect, so why do you expect me to be?”
“I glad they said something, I want to change.”
We’re not sure how they will respond both internally and externally. But many of these thoughts are driven by emotion, and the emotional aspect will fade away. More often than not, they will thank you for giving them this feedback.
If you wait to give feedback and give it too late, here’s how they might think:
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Who else knows about this?”
“Is everyone talking about this?”
“What else are you not telling me.”
“I don’t trust you, I want to quit.”
If you’ve been holding back on giving feedback, it’s never too late to course-correct. Lean into the discomfort, admit you haven’t done a good job, and initiate an honest conversation with the employee.
Remember, feedback is not about pointing fingers or assigning blame; it’s about helping with growth and improvement. By approaching it with empathy, clarity, and consistency, you can help your employees reach their full potential.
Get uncomfortable. It’s your job as a leader.
So will I hurt my employees by giving them feedback?
It’s not a yes or no answer. When they first receive the feedback, they might feel hurt. This is just driven by their pride and ego, but once those emotions pass, they’ll appreciate the feedback and your honesty. Think about it, would you want to know if you weren’t performing? On the other hand, if you don’t give feedback, they won’t grow, and they’ll actually be hurt more in the long term.
